Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Personal Update

I don't usually put up personal posts, but things have been so rubbish lately I feel a need to share my troubles and hopefully it will take a load off and help me de-stress. I did post about getting a great new job that started in June and since I started life has been very busy and hectic. This started as a good thing despite completely ruining any routines I had including going to the gym, reading everyones blogs and even updating my own blog. I am still so very very behind on reading your blogs and I apologise I haven't forgotten you honestly!

In November, things at work took a downward turn. I work in scientific sales and as such am home based. I was asked to travel into the office more which is fine. It is a 3 hour trip each way so 6 hours of travel in a day or a few nights away from home if I am organised and book all my office work together. I was told though that although my expenses had been paid for my travel to the office, immediately that would cease. The travel is £32 each time I travel to the office and of course there may be overnight costs incurred as well so I will be out of pocket a vast amount each month. I was also told that my probation period will be extended. This was not an issue with my performance and I have not failed at anything, but they have not provided me with enough training. The third thing I was told (all in the same day) was that someone internally had complained about my appearence. I am all for constructive criticism, but this email was untrue, exaggerated and frankly offensive.

Things progressed and in December I was then called back into the office for an urgent, immediate meeting. I figured I was getting sacked but sadly no. Instead I have to now be based in the office every day (effective 2nd January) and relocate near by. I called for legal advice at this point and was told to change my contract (including stopping my expenses), they legally need to give me my notice period (for me one month) to take effect. After a lot of arguing I can now claim my December travel expenses as well as putting off the relocation until January 18th. Obviously I immediately started job hunting.

In December just before the meeting about relocating I started having panic attacks for the first time. The first one was while I was at a play in London and I had to be taken to hospital in the end as it wouldn't stop after an hour and a half. Since then I have had a series and the doctor has put me on beta blockers to help control the anxiety.

I went into the office for my 6 month review yesterday. It was a mockery. I ended up having to run out half way through to have a panic attack in the toilets. They said a lot of things that were unfair and contradicted themselves constantly. I am filing a grievance for bullying, harrassment and discrimination, but obviosuly things are very difficult. I am at home today and back in the office again for more fun and games tomorrow. At this point it's a case of when not if I give my notice in. Relocating is not an option for me and I am so stressed at the moment crying a lot and generally feeling rubbish.

I have a series of interviews lined up and I know I shouldn't quit until I have another job to go to, but I will not work in the office and I just can't work for a company I despise so much. I may make the decision that my health comes first and just say a big up yours.

So yes that's my work situation at the moment. Not fun. I will do my best to get on top of blog related activities asap, but please continue to bear with me for a little bit longer.

25 comments:

N.Vasillis said...

I'm sorry that you're going through so much right now. I know how bad panic attacks can be myself. I hope things become better for you soon.

margotreehugger said...

Katie, I am so sorry you're going through this. I can sympathize with you in the fact that I know how it feels to be bullied at work. I know how it feels to have to walk into a building and feel like everyone is against you.

It sounds to me like 'constructive dismissal' like they're trying to force you out, to leave of your own accord.

It sounds as though you're being treated very unfairly. I know how you feel about not wanting to stick it out. Just hang in there hun, and make sure you do what is right for you. Log everything down if you do take this further.

(((Hugs)))xXX

Amanda said...

Oh, I am so sorry to to hear that you are going through all of this. Life's too short to be working at a job like that and be treated the way you were. I'll be hoping you find a perfect new job. Hang in there!

Nymeth said...

Oh Katie, I'm so sorry you have to go through all this :( What they're doing to you is such complete crap, no wonder it's causing you so much anxiety.

I know that being jobless is terrible, and I completely understand why you wouldn't want to quit without finding a new job first...but I'm not sure if I could take it either in your situation. Health and psychological well-being most definitely do come first.

It's not an easy decision, but I'm sure you'll be able to choose what's best for you. I'm keeping all my fingers crossed that you find a new job where you'll be treated fairly very very soon.

Don't worry about catching up with blogging and just take care of yourself, okay? We'll still be here when things get better.

*hugs*

Debi said...

Oh my, I wish I had something helpful to say, other than I'm so sorry for everything that's going on. I certainly can understand why you'd hate to quit before you've got another job lined up, but please do take care of yourself! I know personally how incredibly frightening and horrible panic attacks can be, even when you know what's happening. Best of luck with the upcoming interviews...may you find the perfect job with people who appreciate you!!!

Marg said...

That is a lot to deal with. Take care of yourself and try not to let the bastards get you down. Easier to say than do, I know.

mariel said...

I hope tomorrow is ok and friday goes really well. Speak to you in a day or two. Anything you need, let me know. Thinking of you. xx

Heather J. said...

Just want you to know that I'm thinking about you ... hoping everything turns out for the best SOON ... and waiting patiently for you to be back to your "regularly scheduled blogging" :)

brideofthebookgod said...

So sorry to hear this; I know how stressful these things can be, just remember we're all rooting for you

Alice Teh said...

I'm sorry to hear this. It is indeed a stressful time when faced with a situation like that.

I've quitted one management job before without another one in hand. The ex-employer was unreasonable in their requests and office renovations after renovations to be completed within ungodly timing were taking its toll on me. Heck, I even had to work right up to the day before my wedding. Forget about time to pamper meself and all that. I was amazed how I even got through with the wedding and stuff. So ya, I quitted.

I hope things will work out for you soon. The important thing is taking action, and as to what action, only you would know best in your situation...

Kailana said...

Sounds like you are really not having much luck at all! I have stayed at terrible jobs before because I hated the idea of not having one, but it actually normally turns out worse for me in the end... You need money to live, yes, but all that stress is not good for you at all! It comes down to deciding what the priorities are. I am not always so good at doing that, so I know how hard it is. Panic attacks are not good, though, in my opinion it sounds like your body is making your decisions for you... I hope things get better for you soon!

Kim L said...

I am so sorry to hear about all of the crap you have to put up with right now. It isn't right or fair at all! If it helps at all, I feel miserable at my new job ALL THE TIME. I have been pushed around by people and yelled at over minor things and I finally decided to start looking for a new job.

Do you have the money to quit and look for something else? Things sound pretty intolerable. I hope there is a way for you to get out of there. Maybe you can find a job, any job, even one that is below your skill set and do that for a while until you find something better. Best of luck and I hope things start looking up for you!

Robin said...

Katie, I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. And I know how awful it must be if it's triggering panic attacks. Give yourself permission to remove yourself from a completely unreasonable situation! Your health and mental health are the most important things. You don't deserve this crap, you know. Just know I'm thinking of you... We all are! You've got a team of supporters out here!

jehara said...

that's awful! sounds like you have a lot of prospects so hopefully you will get something new very soon. it's not worth your health and sanity to stay in a toxic environment.

hugs!

Clare said...

I'm so sorry to hear your having such a bad time, poor thing (((hugs)) try not to let them get you down too much, easier said than done I know its horrible when work isn't right I've experienced having a bad time at work but, try and stay strong and you'll get through it.

((hugs))

DesLily said...

sorry to hear about the job trouble. I've been there and it sucks big time.. i cried before I went to work for 2 years!.. the stress doesn nothing good for your health, but then neither does not having money to pay your bill and eat!
I hope one of those interviews works out and you are able to leave there quickly

Caroline said...

Thinking of you so much at the moment. Nothing I could say which would add to the above but I hope you can see how much love and support you have around you. You know where I am if you ever need to vent.

On an entirely different note I've just spotted you have "learn to make books" on your list - this is something I intend to look into this year at some point so if I come across anything good I'll let you know. :)

Melody said...

I'm so sorry to hear you've to go through all these nonsense, Rhinoa. Hang in there... I'm hoping something good will be coming your way soon! {Sending positive vibes your way.}

valentina said...

I can't believe they put you in so much stress and caused you so much trouble.
I really hope you can find another place where they respect you and cherish your work. In the meantime, screw them! your health is more important!

Susan said...

I wanted so much to come meet you, and I didn't get your message on my blog that day - I only had limited time at the internet cafe, and no computer access at my inlaws. When I saw your message I was more sad that I didn't get a chance to meet you, but now that I've seen your post, I would give anything to be able to sit with you while you're going through this. It sounds really horrible at your work, and you don't deserve it. I'm really sorry you are having panic attacks. My youngest sister has a generalized anxiety disorder, so I am beginning to have some experience with how difficult it is to get panic attacks under control.

If you need to vent on your blog, please do, we'll listen and help! Whatever you decide to do (about when to leave the job), be good to yourself as much as you can. And it is horrible, what you are going through. It's one of the worst feelings to have, to know that people at work are attacking you, and especially when it's your bosses. I wish I could do more than send you lots of love and mental wishes that you get out of there quickly and find a super job, but at least I can do that! *hug*

tanabata said...

I'm so sorry you're having such an awful time lately. I hope you can find a great new job soon and leave that terrible situation behind. Your health is much more important!

samantha.1020 said...

Yuck! This job and these people sound awful and I hope you find something new and wonderful soon :)

Ladytink_534 said...

Sorry you're having to go through this. My mom has had panic attacks almost my whole life and it's no fun. I hope you figure out a way to get yours under control :(

Darla D said...

Oh, that is a lot to deal with. I'm so sorry, especially as I remember how excited you were when you got the job. Sending you lots of hugs and good wishes - may you find a wonderful new job soon!

Daisy Cat said...

Have not caught up with your blog for a while, so have just read this. I am so sorry you are going through this and you are right, your health is far more important.

I hope by now things are getting sorted one way or another. You will be in my thoughts.

Daisy Cat